December 22 - The Fine Art of Getting Along with Others
Introduction. In The Fine Art of Getting Along with Others, Dr. Dale Galloway delves deep into the many times murky water of human interactions to give direct application to one of Jesus Christ’s most important teachings: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. More than a secular tome on how to win friends and influence people, Galloway gives practical advice on how to interact and maximize the effectiveness of one’s relationships with others. He teaches in three specific areas: reaching out to others in general, working with difficult people and connecting with those closest. In each area, Galloway gives a lesson that will effect my ministry and leadership in the future.
Reaching Out to Others. Too many times, my favorite form of a conversation is a debate. This has caused me difficultly in the past with people who do not share this love or misinterpret my enthusiasm for aggression. Galloway addresses two things in this section that cut to the root of that problem and help develop in me better skills at working with others. First, Galloway guides me to admit that I am the one who needs to change, “…[Y]ou need to open up to change and grow so that you can start succeeding in relationships” (28).
Second, Galloway guides me to understand the root of my eagerness to debate: my need to change people. On the surface this is not bad; what else is evangelism but the desire to see people fundamentally changed? The difference is the agent of the change; do I want it to be me or the Holy Spirit? Galloway writes, “I can change no other person by direct action. I can change only myself. When I change, others tend to change in response to me” (57). My calling is to love God with all my heart, mind and spirit. My second calling is like unto it: to love others as I love myself; not to change but to love.
Difficult People. Dealing with difficult people seems the bane of the ministry. This section was helpful in two ways. First, when interacting with people, especially those who are trying to steamroll a young pastor, I have found it especially helpful to remember who I am. What I have learned from Galloway is this: he writes, “Be confident in who you are.” He is not just presenting a platitude. He affirmed that each of us is a “child of God” with value, a calling, a vision, and a mission of how God will use us to pursue his vision (97).
Second, when interacting with people who are EGR (extra grace required), I have found it a great struggle to meet their needs. Ministering to even one of them could consume a lifetime. Galloway includes a quote by Dr. James Dobson that will change my leadership and ministry forever. This passage gives one of the highest gifts to any Christian: more compassion. Wounded people have their own “unique handicap” (103), and we should be as compassionate toward them as we would to anyone who is disability.
Those Closest. My wife is my best friend. I cannot imagine being in ministry or life without her wisdom, spirit and counsel. To paraphrase Teddy Roosevelt speaking when speaking about his wife, “Whenever I have gone against Mrs. Wilson’s advice, I have regretted it.” Galloway’s chapter on how to make one’s marriage a lasting affair was a great reeducation for me as a minister and a leader. Much of what is spoken of in that chapter we are already practicing; however, lately I have found that I have not been as empathetic to my wife as I could be.
I am an only child, raised by two only children. In many ways, I am the ultimate child-rearing nightmare. The idea that I am the center of the world has been reinforced in my mind so many times, convincing me otherwise is like saying Jesus did not exist. However, as I have grown and matured, especially with my wife’s patience during our marriage, I have come to begin to transcend this systemic selfishness. My wife teaches me compassion and empathy every day. As my wife is my best friend and most trusted confidant, developing my relationship with her is the best thing that I can do to develop myself as a minister and as a leader.
Reaching Out to Others. Too many times, my favorite form of a conversation is a debate. This has caused me difficultly in the past with people who do not share this love or misinterpret my enthusiasm for aggression. Galloway addresses two things in this section that cut to the root of that problem and help develop in me better skills at working with others. First, Galloway guides me to admit that I am the one who needs to change, “…[Y]ou need to open up to change and grow so that you can start succeeding in relationships” (28).
Second, Galloway guides me to understand the root of my eagerness to debate: my need to change people. On the surface this is not bad; what else is evangelism but the desire to see people fundamentally changed? The difference is the agent of the change; do I want it to be me or the Holy Spirit? Galloway writes, “I can change no other person by direct action. I can change only myself. When I change, others tend to change in response to me” (57). My calling is to love God with all my heart, mind and spirit. My second calling is like unto it: to love others as I love myself; not to change but to love.
Difficult People. Dealing with difficult people seems the bane of the ministry. This section was helpful in two ways. First, when interacting with people, especially those who are trying to steamroll a young pastor, I have found it especially helpful to remember who I am. What I have learned from Galloway is this: he writes, “Be confident in who you are.” He is not just presenting a platitude. He affirmed that each of us is a “child of God” with value, a calling, a vision, and a mission of how God will use us to pursue his vision (97).
Second, when interacting with people who are EGR (extra grace required), I have found it a great struggle to meet their needs. Ministering to even one of them could consume a lifetime. Galloway includes a quote by Dr. James Dobson that will change my leadership and ministry forever. This passage gives one of the highest gifts to any Christian: more compassion. Wounded people have their own “unique handicap” (103), and we should be as compassionate toward them as we would to anyone who is disability.
Those Closest. My wife is my best friend. I cannot imagine being in ministry or life without her wisdom, spirit and counsel. To paraphrase Teddy Roosevelt speaking when speaking about his wife, “Whenever I have gone against Mrs. Wilson’s advice, I have regretted it.” Galloway’s chapter on how to make one’s marriage a lasting affair was a great reeducation for me as a minister and a leader. Much of what is spoken of in that chapter we are already practicing; however, lately I have found that I have not been as empathetic to my wife as I could be.
I am an only child, raised by two only children. In many ways, I am the ultimate child-rearing nightmare. The idea that I am the center of the world has been reinforced in my mind so many times, convincing me otherwise is like saying Jesus did not exist. However, as I have grown and matured, especially with my wife’s patience during our marriage, I have come to begin to transcend this systemic selfishness. My wife teaches me compassion and empathy every day. As my wife is my best friend and most trusted confidant, developing my relationship with her is the best thing that I can do to develop myself as a minister and as a leader.
posted by Trav Wilson at 4:15 PM
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